Queen of disaster
by MesserGirl
Summary: 'Your eyes they shine so bright, I want to save that light and I can't escape this now' Damon/OC
1. I need to let you go

_She was fiercely independent, brilliant; beautiful and brave. In two years she had grown more than anyone I had ever known. She's going to change the world one day, and I'm not sure she even knows it. She is destined for greatness. Actually, she's already great. Because she has this thing called integrity. And nothing or no one is ever going to change that. And I realised it's not what you are or who you are; it's who they allow you to be._

_So it begins; we're born, we're brand new. No one's neglected or damaged us yet. How did we get from there to here? _

'I need to let you go…'

The sun shone like a normal day, the trees gently shook with the small gusts of winds that were expected from a summer's day in Mystic Falls. The smell of freshly cut grass floating in the air, children's laughter could be heard from any area of the town. It was beautiful; honestly.

But I wanted it to rain, I wanted it to be a miserable day, where the streets of the little town were flooded with small puddles in the street, I wanted the wind to move branches, almost taking them from their home. I wanted the earth to feel my pain, to understand me. To take the pain away from me almost. Share it even.

Here I stood. Mystic falls cemetery, I suppose it had become my second home in the years that I'd lived here, over the years a lot of people I'd come to care for, people I'd loved and the very few who had loved me back had ended up here, buried 6 feet under in a box with a stone placed above them. People with character who could make me laugh on my worst days, a smile to brighten up a bad day and a voice so soft and soothing it could calm me instantly and all they would be remembered by was their name engraved on a rock.

"He'll be here, just give him time" She whispered to me, taking hold of my hand giving it a squeeze as if to show me that she was there for me, Elena would always be there for me. I didn't make any effort to say anything back, I'm not sure why maybe because I didn't know if I had a voice anymore or I just didn't believe her. Instead I nodded slightly squeezing her hand back.

I felt a soft hand land on my right shoulder and I knew it wasn't him, it was Stefan. My friends had started arriving and it suddenly started to feel real although there was still time for me to wake up in bed or maybe even class and this would just be a really crap dream and I would go back to sleep knowing that I still had the comfort of him still being here, downstairs more likely having fallen asleep watching some crap TV reality show. Or maybe I'd wake up in English or Biology. Stefan had come to stand by my right hand side, dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and a thin black tie. I'd seen the suit too many times.

"We're all here" He spoke softly to me and it calmed me slightly, he had a way of doing that, I'd come to know it as his thing, after everything that had happened he'd always remained the sensible one, never becoming hot headed and letting his fear get the best of him. In the time I'd known him, I'd always believed what he said to me, he said he'd protect me and he did and I appreciated it his honesty.

Bonnie and Jeremy had come to stand at the back of Elena hand in hand, both wearing black. I could hear heels clicking the stones from the distance; I assumed it was Caroline with Tyler. It seemed to be the only time we all got together; when someone was in trouble or when someone had died. Sad really.

He'd already been buried, not alone. He was laid to rest with 2 other bodies underneath him. My family.

Matt had come to stand behind me, kissing the top of my head and he arrived then retreating and placing his hands in his pocket. I could tell that everyone was wondering why he hadn't turned up, why he'd left me to do this on my own, one of the worst days in my life but I knew I had more days like these to come and I'd accepted that, I think we all had. This in itself was more than depressing.

I felt like I'd been here for too long and a part of me knew he wouldn't show himself, so I released myself from Elena's grip and walked towards the grave, I stood in front of it for a few seconds and it felt like an eternity, I could see them all. Sat around at the table during Christmas, laughing and having stupid arguments about why I wouldn't eat sprouts because he'd told me I would be starving Rabbits. I could feel my cheeks lift as I smiled slightly at the memories we'd got to share in our lives.

I bent down slowly placing a rose as red as blood on the grass near the gravestone, maybe in 70 years this is where I'd be or then again it could be next week.

As I stood up I smoothed my dress out and walked back to my small group of friends; giving them the time they wanted to place the flowers they had brought with them. Elena went first placing a small flower next to mine and touching the headstone affectionately as she stood up, Bonnie and Caroline went next. I could see the tears filling up both of their eyes. That's when I realised that I was not the only one affected by his death. He was my Brother but he was also their friend. He was our pain in the ass.

As the last person laid their flowers and made their way back to us, Elena took hold of my hand again and started to lead me away to the small stone path that lead out of the cemetery and hopefully onto something better. I tried to resist her pull but I knew she was right; it was time to leave so I followed her without question. I got into my car with Stefan driving, I'd never let anyone drive it before but this time I didn't mind, they were helping me.

"He'll show" He said to me as he drove away from the cemetery.

For the first time in our friendship, through everything we'd been through.

I didn't believe him.

So right now it may be a little confusing but trust me if you continue to read it, it will all start to make sense when I update the story. So please continue to read it and review it, let me know that I have people out there who are reading, it'll give me motivation

All the best!


	2. I need to shelter you

'I need to shelter you'

_The problem is that fairy tales don't come true. It's the nightmares that always seem to become the reality._

We'd been back at the boarding house a few hours now and the sun had begun to set and I could feel the sigh of relief building as I knew the day was coming to an end. It would all be over soon and maybe everyone and everything could go back to normal.

I'd sat down by the fire on my own with a large glass of scotch, courtesy of Stefan of course; I'd only taken one or two sips and as it burned my throat it felt good, it felt good that I could feel the sting, I wasn't numb anymore. I could hear the remainder of the people left talk softly, Caroline being the loudest of them all.

"Why didn't he show Stefan?" Elena asked her boyfriend, I could hear the anger and sadness in her voice.

"I don't know I was so sure he would. She needs him and any other time she's needed him he's always been there. This time shouldn't have been any different" He replied to her and like Elena I could hear the worry in his voice and I wasn't sure who he was worried for, me or him. I took another small sip of my drink and felt relief again. I continued to listen to them talk about how he should have shown up and how I needed him and that angered me the most. I made sure that I never needed anyone because this happens, when you allow people to see the vulnerable side of you, most people take advantage of it and he had.

I wanted to kill someone and I wanted to die and I wanted to run as far and as fast as I could because he was never coming back. He had fallen off the face of the earth and he was never coming back.

I stood up taking my heels off and looked down at the glass that was now half empty, swirling it around in the glass and watching it hit against the ice cubes and create splashes that hit my wrist. Smashing it against the fire and watching the fire roar higher with the alcohol added. I lashed out and wiped the statues and ornaments of the top of the fireplace watching them crash to the floor and shatter into pieces. I could feel the anger boiling inside of me and I couldn't stop myself.

Stefan, Caroline and Elena had appeared in the room hearing the noises and as Elena attempted to stop me from destroying the Salvatore's house Stefan wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her back, whispering in her ear softly "She needs this."

I'd moved around the room ripping things from its place and throwing them elsewhere, throwing lamps; pictures, cushions and ornaments in any direction. Causing destruction as I moved around hoping somehow it would help me feel better.

As my arms extended to wipe the contents of a shelf onto the floor a large pair of hands grabbed mine stopping me in me destructive path. His eyes met mine and I couldn't help it as my eyes burned with the tears that had formed and my legs had begun to shake with the weight of my body. I fell towards him and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he fell to the ground with me, taking the pain of both of us hitting the wooden floor. I buried my head into his chest as his hand found its way to my hair, stroking it softly as I wailed into his chest. I had found the person I needed, the person who would get me through this and I would come out in one piece.

He nodded for the three to leave and let us be alone; Stefan nodded back and left with the other two.

"I'm here" he whispered into my hair as he kissed it. "I'll always be here"

It didn't seem to comfort me as it usually did instead I let out a bigger cry and held him tighter and he held me closer to him. I cried for everything I could think of, the loss of my family, the loss of my friends so far and just because I couldn't stop the tears, I felt like I'd been crying for hours by the time I'd finally calmed down enough for him to release me from his chest.

He brushed the hair from my face and wiped the dampness the tears had left surrounding my eye with his thumb, he cleared his throat before he spoke to me "I should have been there today" he repeated, each time as soft as the first before kissing my lips tenderly.

In the time that I've known Damon Salvatore I've only ever seen this side of him once for a short period of time, when he was dying from the werewolf bite. He was usually arrogant and egotistical and a dick which in everyone's mind described Damon perfectly. But something about his personality made me feel secure when he was by my side, I felt like I could face the world and not have a care in the world sometimes, other times; I wanted to punch him in his smug but flawless face.

Pulling away from the kiss he rested his forehead on mine and sighed heavily. "C'mon..." He spoke quietly as he placed an arm under my knees and the other arm around my back, lifting me as he stood up. He seemed to be able to pick me up like I weighed nothing to him, like I was nothing but a feather. I clung to him tightly burying my face in his already damp t-shirt as he started to walk gradually over to the staircase, carrying me up the stairs and eventually into his room and placing me on his large bed.

Sometimes it felt like an honour to be in Damon's bed. Yes it was extremely stupid, but to me it felt like someone had chosen me, out of all the girls in Mystic Falls; I was the girl in his bed, I was good enough for him and it made me feel warm inside. It made me feel worthy. Like I was good enough for someone and maybe I was good enough for Damon Salvatore.

He pulled a thin blanket over my body due to the heat outside as I curled up into a small ball on the enormous bed, I watched as he moved around the room possibly looking for something, I watched him for a few minutes before he made his way back over to the bed and sat down beside me and turned to me smiling affectionately. I couldn't muster up the energy to mirror his actions and he understood that and lay down facing me.

I closed my eyes as he started to brush the small strands of my hair that had fallen in front of my eyes back behind my ear; his touched was soft and sweet and it reminded me of a simpler time.

"I've lost him" I whispered in a hoarse voice, from crying or not talking for a long period of time, I'm not sure. Damon said nothing.

"I'm tired of everyone looking at me with pity in their eyes. I'm tired of feeling like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every damned day. I'm tired of waking up in the morning, and then remembering." He still said nothing, instead wrapping his arm around me pulling me closer to him. He was never good with words.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes.

_I looked him in the eye. "I will always love you." _

_Then I plunged the stake into his chest. It wasn't as precise a blow as I would have liked, not with the skilled way he was dodging. I struggled to get the stake in deep enough to his heart, unsure if I could do it from this angle. Then, his struggles stopped. His eyes stared at me, stunned, and his lips parted, almost into a smile, albeit a grisly and pained one._

_"That's what I was supposed to say..."he gasped out. Those were his last words. His failed attempt to dodge the stake had made him lose his balance on the edge. The stake made the rest easy, stunning him and his reflexes._

One week. Everything you love and cherish, can be gone, liquidated, and lost forever in one week. Give or take a day.

**A/n-So the next chapter will go into more detail about the mysterious girl, her name, who exactly she is and beyond.**

**Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.**


	3. When the lights fade out

"_Everybody dies. There's nothing you can do about it. Whether or not you eat six almonds a day. Whether or not you believe in God. (Although there's no question a belief in God would come in handy. It would be great to think there's a plan, and that everything happens for a reason. I don't happen to believe that. And every time one of my friends says to me, "Everything happens for a reason," I would like to smack her.)"_

'When the lights fade out'

18 years, 2 months and 11 days ago; I was born. To a loving family, Kate and Oscar Hensley who had both grown up in Mystic Falls. I was the youngest child in the family, my only brother being the eldest by 2 years.

Kate Myers was 12 years old when Oscar Hensley handed her a crumbled piece of paper with the words 'will you please be my girlfriend?' written on it and they'd been together ever since. They were voted prom King and Queen in their senior year of high school. And were married by the time they were 20.

Jensen Hensley was my brother. My best friend, my partner in crime, my bully, my witness and of course, my protector. He was one of the few people I'd placed my trust in and he was one of the very few who had never betrayed that. Jensen was lucky; he'd gotten the tall genes from our Father and stood a good six foot tall; his short brown hair always looked like he'd just gotten out of bed and he could steal girls with his bright green eyes and a lot of the time; he had. He dressed like he was a badass, the operative word being 'like'. He was funny, kind, loving, and smart beyond belief. But none of that mattered now and it would never matter again because he was dead, buried six feet under.

Our parents had died the year before in a freak accident, the house we'd lived in for all those years had burned to the ground with them inside and that's the thing when your parent die, you feel like instead of going in to every fight with backup, you are going into every fight alone.

With the house in ruins and no family to go to, Elena Gilbert took us both in for the foreseeable future. Until Will left for college, things were good. I mean apart from the whole vampire thing, people dying and our lives being in danger every week. But with a few scrapes we all managed to survive, some were less lucky, like Vicky, Jenna, John, Zach, Ric and Lexi. Some people managed to find their way back like Jeremy, Caroline, Tyler and Elena. And for a short time; so did Jensen.

I often thought of what our lives would be like if Elena had stuck to her first decision to stay away from Stefan, I would never had met Damon and maybe our friends would still be alive. Maybe everything would be perfect. We'd all be happy and healthy and the gloom of death wouldn't hang over us constantly, or maybe we'd all be dead because we didn't have the Salvatore's by our side to protect us. But I don't think I would go back to my old life if I had the choice. Knowing of the supernatural beings that exist and that they are actually out there; I guess it's made me stronger and wiser, but it's also made me cold and numb. But I'm grateful for the wakeup call, in some ways.

Graduation day was the best and worst day of my life… so far.

The veil between the living and the dead had been brought down and people we'd lost had come back, they could witness what we'd accomplished, how we'd taken their deaths and tried to live our lives without them. Elena was the happiest I'd seen her all year, sat with Jeremy and Ric eating greasy food. Her humanity was back for what I hoped was for good. Lexi and Stefan dancing to Bon Jovi, it was like she'd never been away as though she'd remained by his side, and me, I was happy to see everyone happy. It was one of those rare times when remembering the dead were more important than tending to the needs of the living.

But no, all our plans were short lived as we had to deal with all the pain in the asses we'd gotten rid of. Kol and his army of undead people who wanted revenge, Conner and his mission to kill as many people as he could and Katherine; of course still being a bitch.

What happened that day, what happened to him, will always be stuck in my mind. Played on constant repeat when I close my eyes. It happened so quickly but in my mind there are always gaps where I could have done something, perfect opportunities where I could have stopped it, where I could have saved him and become the hero. But I didn't and I was nothing but a witness to his death.

Jensen had returned from college to be there for my high school graduation, I don't think I'd ever seen him as content or proud as I walked onstage and received the diploma. I could feel the sense of accomplishment and pride bubbling and I don't think I'd felt this good in months.

As the ceremony had ended and everybody had seen the graduate and congratulated them on their success of surviving the jungle known as high school. I searched for Jensen, wanting him to share my happiness. But what I found was the complete opposite of happiness.

I found Kol.

I found Kol, I found him on his hell bent path for revenge, and I found Jensen.

I found that I didn't have enough time to stop him from snapping his neck.


	4. I want to hide the truth

"_Everybody dies. There's nothing you can do about it. Whether or not you eat six almonds a day. Whether or not you believe in God. (Although there's no question a belief in God would come in handy. It would be great to think there's a plan, and that everything happens for a reason. I don't happen to believe that. And every time one of my friends says to me, "Everything happens for a reason," I would like to smack her.)"_

'I want to hide the truth'

The sun still, surprisingly, came up and shone down onto the wooden floor of his bedroom. No loud noises. No screams. No breaking glass. Just silence and sunshine. You would be forgiven for thinking that this all happened on another planet. It didn't.

It was peaceful and I wanted it to stay that way.

I was the only occupant in the bed and as I reached to touch his side, realising it was cold and that he'd left a while ago. I knew the day had to start. I couldn't procrastinate any longer.

Wearing yesterday's funeral clothes I clambered out of the empty bed and found myself heading downstairs, wary of whom I would bump into. I made my way into the living room where I'd mentally broke down last night and broken the majority of the stuff in their living room, I expected it to be chaos, pieces of smashed glass on the floor, shattered picture frames and ornaments scattered on the floor but instead, I was met with a room that was spotless, looking like a show home. No signs of a fight against myself.

"I cleaned it up" Stefan spoke to me from behind me; I jumped slightly out of shock of him appearing quietly and turned to face him.

"Stefan. I'm so..." I started but he interrupted me with a wave of his hand and a half smile.

"Honestly, it doesn't matter. It was just glass; they weren't anything of value, to any of us. You did what you needed to do, you got your anger out and you expressed it, maybe it wasn't so healthy. But you did it and do you feel better now for it?" He asked crossing his arms because he thought he was right. Stefan, as usual.

I guess he was right in some ways, I did feel better; it did feel like a weight had been lifted off my chest, like I could breathe a little again.

"Yeah… I do" I nodded, looking at the floor and back up to him, in a guilty manner.

"I've done a lot worse due to guilt and grief." He admitted.

I knew some of the things he'd done, awful things due to losing the people he loved, and it wasn't an excuse, nothing could excuse him from the devastation he'd caused. But I could understand why he'd lost control.

"We've all been worried about you, especially Elena and Caroline. They're at the grill if you want to go see them? Go have lunch with them" He spoke to me, with a little bit of a demand in his voice.

"Yeah, I will. Maybe later. I kinda want a shower and to get out of this dress"

He nodded and as I walked past him and headed towards the stairs I couldn't shake the guilt that I'd attempted to destroy his living room out of grief and he didn't seem to mind. I carried on up the stairs to Damon's empty room. Walking into his en-suite and running the bath. I could already see the steam from the small amount of water that had filled up his large bath.

Sighing, I got myself a towel ready for when I wanted to get out and then started to unzip the black dress I'd had on for the past day. Climbing into the bath as it continued to fill up.

The weird thing about Damon's bath was that it was surrounded by bottles of lotions, lotions that smelled too good to be described. Some that made me think of summer, and others that made me think of curling up by a fire in the harshness of winter. As the bath water grew higher and higher, almost swallowing my small frame, I turned the knob off and lay back, basking in the warmth.

I knew that time alone would allow me to think and maybe that wasn't such a good idea, it couldn't be a good idea to give someone who was so vulnerable and so broken time alone with her thoughts. But here I was.

I sank further into the bath, my chin almost under the water. Thinking about all the ways I could have saved him, all the ways I could have stopped him and he'd still be here, he'd still annoy me and make me happy. But I couldn't seem to stop thinking about all the ways I'd failed him as a friend and as his sister. I could feel a lone tear fall form my eye, down my cheek and into the bath water.

I'd sank further into the bath and now just my nose stuck out of the water, allowing me to breathe and for a couple of minutes whilst I lay there I wasn't so sure I actually wanted to breathe. I once again sank further into the bath, this time I was fully under the water. My eyes closed tight and every second or so a bubble would form and make its way to the top of the water.

It felt like I'd been under water for at least an hour before I began to grow tired and my thoughts had become muddled, which I preferred. There was nothing to focus on; his face had become an unclear image that floated around in my brain. I could feel myself losing consciousness under the water. I must have been under for at least 2 or maybe even 3 minutes and for some reason I couldn't bring myself to move from under the water. A part of me wanted to stay and drown with my thoughts and the saddest part was that I was more than ok with that to happen.

I couldn't feel anything; my arms or my legs. I could feel myself slipping away and even if I wanted to, there was nothing I could do to control it. Until I could feel a firm arm slip underneath the back of my head and pull my head from underneath the water. The first breath I took once I was free was a loud gasp for more air to replace what my lungs had been denied. I opened my eyes slightly to see Damon staring at me intensely; I could see a mixture of anger and sadness in his eyes. It was clear that despite what I had attempted to do to myself, it had hurt him in the process.

He wrapped a towel around my body and lifted me bridal style from the now cold water, walking back into his bedroom he sat me on the bed, wrapping the towel around me to keep me warm. He knelt in front of me and sighed.

"What the hell are you playing at?" He spoke to me with calmness, but I could hear the venom in his voice. He was angry and I understood why, I was angry with myself for even considering it.

He took part of the towel and began to dry my arms and the top part of my chest. He was soft when he touched me, as though I might break if he pressed too hard.

"I don't know" I whispered "I don't know what I'm doing anymore"

He stopped drying me with a small sigh "Out of everything that's happened to you, this is what's going to finish you off?"

"Maybe. I don't know anymore. He had his whole life in front of him, he'd gotten out of this town and I thought he was safe"

"You will move past this..." He tried to continue what I can only assume was the beginning of a long speech but I cut him off abruptly

"You all say the same thing. When something bad happens, everyone tells you to forget about it. But, I don't think you can forget that easily. You may be able to pretend you've forgotten, but I don't think anyone can completely forget"

"Nobody's asking you to forget him."

"Yes you are. You're telling me to get over it. How can I get over it Damon? He was my brother; he was the only family I had left. He died because I asked him to come back, because of me he was a vampire and because of me I had to kill him."

"Listen to me right now. You are stronger than this; this isn't going to end you. You're gonna pick yourself up from this and you'll be better because of it. When something bad happens, you have three options. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you?" He spoke to me with such a soft voice.

And in that moment of time, sat on his bed with my the cold water from my hair dripping down my back I couldn't decide which one I was going to choose.


End file.
